Let’s be honest, parenting is hard. It is the most frustrating and rewarding experience one can have. From sleep training infants and potty-training toddlers to managing tantrums in early childhood. Then once you get through those milestones, trying to instill in your child meaningful values while helping them have confidence and succeed in life. It’s a lot of work! Now if you’re a parent with a child suffering from anxiety, ADHD, behavioral problems, and other mental health concerns, it can feel extremely overwhelming. All the normal difficulties of parenting are multiplied, and you’re left with added stress…frustration…and hopelessness.

As a child therapist, I’ve seen countless parents struggle with managing their child’s behaviors. And as a parent myself, I have experienced times in which I have felt like I was drowning (e.g., navigating teething, colds, separation anxiety while trying to complete work and other obligations with limited sleep). But there is hope and support!

At Empowered Mind, we offer parent coaching which involves teaching parents’ techniques to help their children improve behaviors and learn new skills. Parent coaching is not one specific program or protocol but collection of evidence-based interventions. In research trials, it is also referred to as parent management training. PMT is one of the most extensively studied therapies for children and adolescents and has been shown to be effective as an intervention for youth of all ages, but particularly for kids aged eleven and under. For kids in this age group, individual CBT support can be less effective because of their current stage of cognitive development. Depending on the age of the child, PMT may involve working with parents and children in session, or children receiving individual therapeutic support and parents learning behavior management strategies with the child joining some of these sessions. For example, parents who completed PMT reported significantly greater improvements in child behavior problems, their own attitudes, and satisfaction with family relationships (Goldberg & Carlson, 2014).  

Why Focus on Parents and Not the Child?

PMT is predicated on the notion that, as the parent, you exert enormous influence over your children's behaviors and development. You are more available to change your child’s behavior and your positive attention is so rewarding to their children. Part of the reason why parents hold so much power is because our children are mirrors, reflecting images of what happens around them. You can think of their brains as sponges, soaking up everything that they see. Children mimic gestures, language, and interests of the adults in their lives. You’ll notice your child holding a crayon just like Dad holds his pen or using a phrase Mom says often. The reality is you are your child’s secure base. It might not feel like that when your child is not following your directions or acting out, but PMT uses that base as a foundation to our treatment. For example, PMT works to help parents shift their focus from behaviors you don’t want to behaviors that you do. In this case, we train parents on using reinforcement such as praise and parental attention. A child will always find parent attention the most rewarding/reinforcing so changing how caregivers approach a child can accelerate individual therapy gains and strengthen the parent-child relationship which further reinforces desired behaviors. Studies have shown that the parent-child relationship is directly related to child’s behaviors (Rothbaum et al., 1995). The closer a child feels to their parent and family, the less likely they are to act out.

Now, we know that it is normal for children to act out and test limits and boundaries. I can’t tell you how often parents are frustrated at their child misbehaving with them. This might happen more often at home because of a different structure (or lack thereof) than in other settings. Also, children might act out with certain people because they know they can get away with it. Sometimes, as parents, we are feeding into certain undesired behaviors without even knowing it. In PMT, we teach you alternative ways to respond to a child’s negative actions and provide skills training on strategies such as active ignoring or time out to help direct your child to engage in more positive behaviors.

Additionally, PMT provides parents with lasting insight on children’s mental health needs and how to respond to these needs effectively over time/development. At times it can be frustrating when you don’t understand what’s going on with your child. Remember when all they did was cry, and you had to guess what was wrong? That feeling of relief…sweet relief you felt when the crying stopped, and you finally figured out what was causing them to become upset. Although your child might have words now, they still struggle with expressing what they need. Their behaviors are a form of their language. Children communicate through their behaviors. They might not always express it so easily for us to understand. However, PMT provides with you information on learning about your child and how to use their behaviors to figure out what their needs might be.

Does EMTG Provide Parent Coaching? Absolutely!

Dr. Shaneze Gayle Smith has a decade of experience working with children, adolescents, and parents. She has aided parents who had children suffering from anxiety, depression, suicidality, self-destructive behaviors, disruptive behaviors, grief/loss and various forms of trauma. In addition to individual parent sessions, she has facilitated sessions with parent-child, family (both parents and siblings of child) and parent groups. She has also provided support for couples transitioning to parenthood and support on conflicts over parenting styles.

References

Goldberg, J. S., & Carlson, M. J. (2014). Parents' Relationship Quality and Children's Behavior in Stable Married and Cohabiting Families. Journal of marriage and the family, 76(4), 762–777. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12120

Rothbaum, F., Rosen, K. S., Pott, M., & Beatty, M. (1995). Early Parent-Child Relationships and Later Problem Behavior: A Longitudinal Study. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 41(2), 133–151. http://www.jstor.org/stable/23090528